Ignoring the bad doesn’t make it go away. And other lessons on my overcoming of naivety and realizing the damage of the “positivity only” movement I was sucked into.

Reflecting back on my life and even though I am so very much a victim in this awful situation, with what I know now, things will be different from here on out.

Not that I have any regrets. I do not.

But in my extreme naivety and refusal to look at the negative, I ended up opening myself up to extreme hurt, and shock.

Believing in the good in someone, refusal to see any flaws, only focusing on what’s “good” in another, especially romantic partner is opening yourself up to extreme disappointment.

I still absolutely believe in miracles. I believe in people changing. I believe in the wonderful good in people. I believe more people are overall good than not. But now, I believe in looking at facts of a situation. I believe in asking important questions. I believe in looking at the reality of situations; more than the “words” coming out of someone’s mouth. I believe in not allowing overwhelming physical attraction & romantic love to cloud judgment. I want to love with my whole being, my mind too, and truthfully see and have discernment on situations, and never be “blinded by love.” Again.

Questions I would ponder in future dating situations,

Does this person have an awareness of their trauma and are they actively focusing on healing?

Are they using escapism to deal with emotions? Does their family dynamic have a inherent toxicity and are they making any effort to heal this?

Does their friend group align with my life goals / perspectives , will I be invited into this lifestyle or no?

What I didn’t realize before is that when you enter into a partnership, you become a PARTNERSHIP! (My North node in the 7th house lessons lol ) You become one with this person. You share your body/ mind/ emotions/ soul, you MERGE. You are taking on their life too.

I all too easily SEPARATED my life and his. I thought, this is my shit over here; and that’s his. Naively thinking, I can just live in this positivity bubble over here in my life, he can deal with his shit over there, and we good.

That’s not how relationships work. You merge souls with someone, there shit becomes yours.

And If they are not actively focusing on healing and positive lifestyle choices, but you are; that’s a double whammy for you to deal with. You carry the weight of both of your problems , and that is some HEAVY shit to deal with.

My whole life I have had a deep desire for stability. Emotional peace. And I had it, this past couple years being a mother. But, just like my childhood pattern was, other peoples issues ruined my life (or so it feels/ felt like.)

Now, I decide to choose from these new awarenesses. This is my life now. And for my son. I will ask important questions before falling madly in love with someone who isn’t doing the work to heal.

I get to have the peaceful life I’ve always desired now.

But I have to take responsibility for my part. I have to look at FACTS.

If I want a peaceful life I can’t merge souls with someone deeply wounded, and with no other knowledge how to heal besides escapism. That’s a recipe for a fkn disaster. I won’t be doing that again. And god bless him he tried hard. We just were not on the same path. And he made the wrong choices.

But I get to choose now. I get to have peace and stability now. I get to have connection with the people in my life. I get to choose to have only people in my life who respect and honour me. I get to choose associates that are also on the healing path. I get to choose people who value what I value. Who like peace and sobriety . And don’t judge me for who I am. I get to have everything beautiful about our love; with another man who IS focused on healing. And values / loves life like I do. Who’s outside of the “matrix” with me. Who will honour my past love, and always remember Dougys real daddy. I claim now I will take the good out of this love and get my peaceful life too I so desire and deserve.

Thank you God for manifesting this good into my life now. And SO IT IS .