What I would tell someone going the loss of their husband / partner or just a deep grief in general :
If it’s your partner; every single aspect of your life will be changed. Your morning routine. Your middle of the day. Your night. Your heart a piece taken out. Your body. Your sex life gone. Your finances. Your future gone. Your dreams crushed.
It is a complete process of rebuilding your life. Please go easy on yourself. Don’t be surprised if you feel like you take a few steps forward and then back. You are not who you were. A big part of your identity will leave you too. You are no longer “wife” or “their person” you are now you. Alone. Navigating all this new life, as well as the additional things that death brings, on top of the grief!
A lot of people will not understand. Most won’t. Get together if you can or talk to people who have gone through the specific loss you have. Each grief is unique and different but there is some common ground among those who’ve gone through the same loss. You will feel understood, supported and nourished by these connections. And so seen. As easy as you have to be on yourself, you have to surround yourself with supportive people also. Teach the people around you who haven’t gone through your loss how to treat you in your new life. Show them how they can help you! Some people may not understand but genuinely want to! If you have kids, get the most loving, supportive people around to help you and them!
And then there’s some people who will find it very difficult to be around you, who will avoid you and you’ll feel like you have a disease or something.What you’re going through is not something everyone does and you really can’t understand unless you go through it. Remove people from your life who are not kind and supportive of your loss. You’ll know who these people are.
And some may react to you in shocking ways. You may be actually shocked at the lack of care and concern by some people. If it’s a suicide grief, you may be blamed and targeted for all kinds of slander and abuse. Please protect yourself and your space. You deserve all the care and kindness in the world, as you go through one of the most major life transitions anyone will ever go through. It adds an additional element of pain and grief when someone dies in an unnatural way, tragically. Be easy on yourself.Even when you’re with other grievers,if it’s a young and tragic loss with their whole life ahead of them, it’s different as you will also grieve the future they didn’t get to have. Every. Single. Day.
Focus on the little things that bring you joy. In the darkest moments, these simple things can bring you deep healing. A cup of coffee in your favourite mug. Breathing in fresh air. Going for a walk. Playing your favourite music. Reading your fave favourite book! Etc . As you feel you’ve lost who you now are in the moment; you will naturally regress to past times, and they will heal you!Remember who you were before the loss and slowly when you’re ready, try to bring some of these energies back into your life. some of them will no longer fit. Sadly, you will lose parts of your personality that won’t come back. But, as you call back your soul fragments energetically, you will find in place, beautiful new energies waiting to emerge. You will now have qualities you never would’ve thought you would. And a DEEP compassion for people, beyond what your previous self was capable of. And a strength like no other. Since you’ve already gone through the worst, a lot of fears will naturally fall away, and at a certain point you will begin to live with an even more FULLNESS than you ever did! And that will make you sad, because in some ways, you ARE a better person from it all. And you wish every single day your love could be here PHYSICALLY to be with you as you rock this new energies
But now, to the most important advice of all that I could give you. Your love lives on as an eternal soul. Your Unique Love you had is never severed by physical distance. Relish in the memories. Look at the photo albums EVERY day if it brings you joy! Each time you revisit a memory, you are ONE with it. You ARE there in the quantum field. And you will gain clarity / understanding on a lot of things as you allow yourself to go into the memories, whenever and as much as you feel called. There may be a period of your grief where you are almost fully living in “the past” (as non grieving people would probably tell you )But that is EXACTLY where you need to be for healing. And as you give yourself the time and space to be in those memories, there will come a point where you emerge, and you DO feel ready to have a future again, Trust that moment will come, and allow yourself to go to the memories as much as you need with zero shame on “needing to be somewhere else “ No! You’ve just lost the most important person in your life for fk sake! You gotta be with them, so BE there! F everyone else!
Connect with your loves soul for healing as well. And even if you feel like you’re not a spiritual person, (we all have souls, so yes you are lol ) but even if you feel that way, just OPEN to the idea, that your love is there beside you; just waiting for you to connect with them. Like they are talking to you; and you’re not hearing. So quiet your mind, and LISTEN to what they are telling you. Feel the love they are energetically sending you. And in your darkest moments, ask for them to heal you, and then let go. And they will. Your love has gained a lot of spiritual energy since passing over, and they can help you heal in ways your human mind cannot even fathom right now. Open to this connection. Continue your relationship with them!It has not ended, it has changed to them now being in the non-physical, but in some ways your SOULS will be even more connected than ever. Embrace the new connection you have. And yes I know, omg I know soooooo much, that it’s not the same and it still hurts every damn day, but just TRY to be open to spiritual healing from them, and your relationship to them in spirit, and you can be SHOCKED at the miracles you receive.
The grief will come in waves probably forever. But it does get lighter, If you can allow the healing to unfold.
If you feel like you’re blocked in your healing, follow your soul in the way you are guided to books, mentors, counsellors, healers; therapist; what ever it is (that’s a healthy outlet) you feel called to, go and do it! Spend the money, (which you probably won’t have a problem doing since you lost your world anyways, parting with some money will be like nothing now lol ) for some! But please; your own healing is the most important thing you can prioritize. Come back to often, that this IS HARD, and you are so strong, and you deserve to fully recover, although you’ll never be the same, you can be good again! You can be YOU again
Your Soul is ALWAYS with you, just in the deep moments of grief it can feel like you can’t access it. But, it’s always there. The same with your love in spirit! Give yourself a lot of grace. Be kind to yourself. Take it easy. Simple joys. Simplicity. Small steps. Self care. Healing. This is your focus now. And I know you never wanted it to be this way, but have enough love for yourself to Heal in the way you need to!
And you may not be ready for positivity yet at this point in your grieving but just know that MIRACLES can come from this tragedy. The person you can become, if you do prioritize your healing; is a force to be reckoned with. The spiritual energies you can connect with by developing your connection with your love in spirit will make you Saint-like. The help, and true compassion because you’ve been through the depths of hell and back; will heal others and the planet!
You got this. And you’re doing amazing. Wherever you are. Give yourself a big hug. And I’m here for you.
I hope this helped bring some relief and healing!XoBrit